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All I want for Christmas…

December 17th, 2004

Dr Petra

Dear Santa,

What I’d like for Christmas this year is a new line in sex stories. I’ve been an awful good girl, not to mention an angel all year, so I really think I do deserve this.

I’d like for people to have sex and relationship stories that make sense at Christmas. I’ve even thought of a few. What do you think?

A condom’s for life not just for Christmas
How to enjoy seasonal sex safely

I’ll be home for Christmas
But can I bring my partner, and what if my folks don’t like him/her?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
So how do you cope if you’re separated, divorced or widowed, and are feeling left out or depressed?

He’s the little boy that Santa Claus forgot
How do you manage Christmas when you’re divorced or separated and want to see your kids?

All I want for Christmas
How to buy your partner the perfect sexy gift – and if it’s a specially naughty one – how do you get them to use it?

Joy to the world!
How to keep everyone happy, and hold on to your sanity.

Silent Night
What if things aren’t going so well in the bedroom?

None of these are really being picked up on in the press though. In the past fortnight, newspapers have been gearing up for their Christmas features (following on from the magazines who were at it a few months back), and the overwhelming theme they’ve focused on is the office party. Here’s what they’ve been asking me to comment on, Santa…

How can you tell if someone fancies you at the office party by reading their body language?

Is it a good idea to tell someone you fancy them at the office party?

Should you sleep with your boss/secretary?

What to wear to the party so everyone fancies you.

If you sleep with someone after the party and regret it, how can you cope when you return to work?

What’s the best song to pull to at the office Christmas party?

What’s the best pose to stand in under the miseltoe so you’ll guarantee a kiss?

It’s not that I don’t like Office Parties, or think that people shouldn’t have advice about them. But please – can we also talk about other things?!

So please Father Christmas, if you love me at all… Next year can you send me journalists who want to ask me about something other than sex and pulling and bloody body language at the Office Christmas Party.


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