Condoms can make you good in bed

Condoms can make the guy last longer in bed - some are even designed with a lubricant that helps you stop coming too quick. They can also make sex more arousing if you pop a bit of condom friendly lubricant into the end of the condom before putting it on (only use water-based lubricants - never oil-based lubricants or baby oil as they can damage your condom). The gentle rubbing of the condom against you while you have sex can make for extra pleasure for you both. Trying out different kinds of condoms also means you can ask your partner what they like – from the condoms you choose to use, to what you choose to do with them! The female condom can also add some sexy new sensations - for her and for him.

Discussing condom use also is good for your confidence, if you can ask someone to use a condom you can also ask them to do those naughty things you’ve always wanted to try but were too shy to mention. If you are worried about bringing up condoms you can say things like ‘I want to really enjoy being with you, let’s use condoms’. Or you could have a nice selection available for your partner to choose from.

If you want more information about condoms then visit Condom Essential Wear.

In the UK You can get your condoms free from your family planning / community contraceptive clinic, or GUM (genito urinary medicine) clinic. These services are all confidential and if you want a demonstration on how to get the best out of your condom they’ll show you! They also offer a range of condoms so you’ll get a nice selection at each visit.

If you prefer to buy your condoms you can get them at low cost (and in bulk) online, or from your pharmacy, supermarket, pub vending machine, garage…the list goes on. Even if you forgot your free condoms there’s always somewhere you can buy a packet if you need them.

Make sure you keep a supply of condoms where you need them. At home - in the bedroom, bathroom, or wherever else you’re likely to get it on and will need to slip a condom on. And remember to take condoms out with you on a night out - in your wallet, pocket or handbag. That way you’ll always be prepared!

You can get loads of good advice about condoms at Condom Essential Wear and every day this week I’ll give you a new super sexy condom tip - feel free to share!

Monday’s tip

There are loads of condoms to choose from

Male condoms come in loads of different shapes and sizes, so whether you and your guy need a small, medium, large or ‘oh my god’ there is a size and width to suit. Getting the right fit is important since a condom that fits correctly makes sex a lot more arousing.

Condoms also come in a range of flavours (think cherry, chocolate, or curry - okay maybe not curry, but other fruity or sweet flavours are a great turn on). Don’t forget you’re more likely to get a blow job from someone if they like the taste of you - and a flavoured condom is a great way to ensure you do taste yummy.

You can also get condoms in a range of textures (from ribbed to studded), colours and even ones with added lubricant to make you tingle! There’s definitely one (or more) type of condom out there that you will both like. Most condom manufacturers sell a range of condoms, and you can get a nice variety for free from your family planning/reproductive health clinic and some GPs. All you have to do is turn up and ask!

Make sure any condoms you buy carry the CE mark and are not outdated - novelty condoms are not safe (they can split or tear).

And then just enjoy. If you find one condom doesn’t work for you there are plenty more to try

The study raises some important and interesting issues, although I had some concerns that the sample size was small given the range of countries studied, and there hasn’t been enough differentiation between sexuality or age of participants. After all a 28 year old gay man may well be having very different experiences of sex, drugs and alcohol than a 16 year old straight girl.

While newspaper coverage of this research has implied some kind of European league of drunken sex, there are some interesting findings from the research. For a start, despite our media (plus often our health and education systems) seeing our youth as depraved, this research indicated that young people in the UK were not that different from their European counterparts. Moreover the study is one of the first to ask specifically about the links between deliberate alcohol and drug use and sexual behaviour.

Previous research has often assumed that young people drink or take drugs and then somehow just fall into bed with each other as a result. This study indicates more clearly something that many young people, researchers and educators have known for a while. That alcohol and drug use is deliberately and strategically linked to sexual behaviour.

For many young people, alcohol or drug use plays a large part in their social lives. If you want to go out and find a date the most popular places tend to be pubs or nightclubs. There is pressure in particular on men to do the chatting up, and since that’s nerve wracking then having a drink or three can help build confidence.

We also live in a culture where binge drinking is increasingly popular, where measures are larger (or where double or triple measures or larger glasses are promoted) and where alcohol prices are dropping.

Over the past few decades drug use has become more commonplace, and again easier to access and cheaper to buy. For many teens and adults, drug usage is a normal part of a regular weekend social routine.

Whilst many of the papers and radio stations have been using this research to tut-tut about the bad behaviour of teens, this isn’t really going to solve problems. Until we tackle issues around licensing hours, the cost and availability of alcohol and our attitudes to drug or alcohol use this problem will continue.

Some schools do tackle sex education and issues around drug or alcohol usage, but they tend to address these issues as separate topics, and often focus in a finger wagging or negative tone – say no to drugs, don’t drink, and if you have sex you’ll get an STI/pregnant. So unsurprisingly many teens just switch off.

Alcohol and drug use can be a particular problem relating to sex as particularly alcohol use can lead to people forgetting to use condoms. The use of alcohol and some drugs can lead to guys finding it harder to get or keep an erection, which again can lead to condom avoidance. People may also forget to use condoms in the heat of the moment – in fact most research on condom use indicates people know they should use condoms and don’t particularly object to them, but because they were drunk or stoned they just didn’t think about using them or couldn’t do so effectively.

The use of drugs or alcohol and sex remains a controversial issue. Many would agree a glass of wine may give someone the Dutch courage to ask for something they wouldn’t ordinarily do, reduces inhibitions and makes people feel more fruity. There have certainly been recommendations from some quarters that drugs like cocaine, GHB, ecstasy or Quaaludes either increase the desire for sex, or prolong sexual activity.

The problem is that if you drink a lot it begins to impair your sexual functioning. For men it means that erections may be affected, and for both women and men there are problems with desire reducing once alcohol consumption increases. Feeling sick or hungover can also cause problems.

While drugs can make you feel horny, often the drugs that make you feel the most loved up don’t necessarily help you get sexy – so again erections can be impaired and sensation in the genital area reduced. This means people often mix drugs and alcohol to feel sexy and be able to act sexy.

Talking about drugs/alcohol and sex is difficult because all are issues where parents, teachers and educators fear that if they are discussed in anything other than a negative way it will lead to experimentation and ‘risk taking’. This means that frank discussions are often impossible, while young people find out more about sex/drugs/alcohol from their peers who may not always be accurate or helpful.

This makes it difficult for us to identify situations where people are knowingly experimenting with drugs/alcohol and sex as a passion booster, situations where people are just getting off their heads and having sexual encounters that may or may not be all that good, and situations where people feel they can only go through with certain sexual activities by being wasted first.

It is also hard to have discussions without a judgemental subtext. We live in a highly sexualised culture where we’re expected to do it loads, have masses of orgasms and last for hours. Moreover if we can do anal, threesomes, foursomes or moresomes or try out kinky new toys or outfits so much the better. Which is fine if that’s what you fancy when sober. But if it’s only what you do when you’re spangled that may not be the right kind of sex for you.

Yet how can we speak about these issues when we’re constantly having to promote a ‘just say no’ message around drink/drugs/sex. And how fair is it to expect such messages to be given when all the while sex and alcohol are very much fixed within a consumerist agenda. You can’t expect people to say no if all the while they’re being given messages that your life will be so much better if you’re doing it, and enjoying drink too.

Hopefully this new research will allow for some more thoughtful discussions within this area, and may well challenge how we address sex education and promoting sexual health messages.

We can’t ignore this issue, or just assume sex happens because people were wasted. Young people are making deliberate choices about drugs, sex and alcohol and we’ll only be able to give them useful sex advice if we acknowledge this and allow for some open discussions about these issues – which don’t just revolve around telling young people what they shouldn’t be doing.

Clearly to hit that audience what you need is something sexy so the channel commissioned a showcase new series called ‘Generation Sex’ which promised to cover “everything from modern sexual etiquette to virtual sex, sex toys and cyber sex. It will also feature contributions from a range of people including those who take part in posh orgies or make a living from selling upmarket sex toys. Plus, it reveals a new dictionary of sexual terms, explaining all the baffling terminology from pegging to snowballing”

I heard about it a few weeks back when a researcher from the show called me to see if I’d like to contribute. I had a few misgivings when they sold it to me as something light, funny and a bit like ‘grumpy old women’ – basically a talking heads show where celebrities and members of the public would talk about sexy things.

They wanted me to contribute to a programme about sex addiction and cybersex, although apparently around six shows were also being made on various sexy topics. What they wanted me to say was how there’s an epidemic of internet porn addiction and text sex going on, how men were more visual and therefore liked looking at rude things online, how we were now all having relationships online, and how everyone was up to no good over in second life. All delivered in an edgy way.

Unfortunately my comments that the concept of addiction is hotly disputed, that we’re not all addicted to text sex, that the evidence men are ‘more visual’ doesn’t really hold water, and the majority of UK residents aren’t having regular cybersex was far too worthy and promptly dumped me out of the edgy category.

It was made clear that they didn’t really want any accurate facts or figures, they wanted shock value, a few statistics, and just enough expert comment to make it seem there was something vaguely scientific tucked away somewhere in the programme. The experts weren’t really the main focus of the show, I was told, it was the celebrities who’d be telling the story about what’s really going on in our 21st sexual lives.

Along the way I also enjoyed being lectured by the researcher how I was wrong about the men-are-more-visual idea because they’d done a google search just that morning that told them this was the case. Which told me.

It was left with them saying that I was probably very good at my job (hey thanks for that) but that they needed someone who could ‘compliment our celebrity interviewees’. Apparently to qualify you needed to say what the producers wanted you to say, reinvent common sexual activities with new terminologies, and make out that posh orgies were all the rage.

Having had an insight into what the show was trying to cover (and how it intended to do that) I didn’t have much hope for anything telling us much about sex, and I wasn’t disappointed.

The series has begun, and like most television sex programmes it has to lead with a 21st-century-sex-is-like-nothing-we’ve-ever-seen-before approach. The viewer was presented with a mind boggling array of sexual activities constructed as completely novel by using a few colloquial terms to refer to activities that are as old as the hills. Daisy chaining and pegging were just a couple of examples (swapping partners and strap on sex if you’re after a translation).

Unfortunately the way most production companies view sex is that you can only talk about it in a limited number of ways. You can be judgemental, you can cover sexual problems, you can talk about brain scans or hormones, and you can list as many rude things as you can – with the implication that they are all completely new and we all ought to be trying them.

This means you don’t get to talk about desire, adventure, creativity, the opportunity to say yes or no, and how people understand and act out sex. You definitely don’t get to show anything rude either – so although you can talk about someone who did a guy up the bum with a strap on, produce said strap on (or a bum) and you’ll soon find yourself kicked off the show. So much for edgy.

That’s why Generation Sex isn’t really about sex, or certainly the sex most of us are having. It’s an excuse for cheap tv, a bit of celebrity content and just enough promise of sauce to attract the viewers – but no real content and nothing that really tells us about 21st century sex.

I’m often convinced that perhaps the public really like these shows and are oblivious to how bad they are, but I was reassured that at least one person noticed.

Sam Wollaston, reviewing the show for The Guardian said “I’m a bit depressed about my sex life after watching Generation Sex (Fiver). I don’t do any daisy-chaining or snowballing, pegging or spidermanning. There’s all this exciting stuff going on, that absolutely everyone is doing, apparently. Except me. I don’t even have a “fuck buddy”, for God’s sake. Who, in 2008, doesn’t have a fuck buddy? ….Actually I’m less depressed, now that I’ve Googled some of these people who are telling me they’re doing all this stuff, all these so-called “journalists”, “comedians”, “reality TV stars”, “actors” and “socialites”. You’re all just horrible, desperate people who’ll say anything to get on TV. I bet some of you don’t even do half of it. Makey-uppy people, makey-uppy TV”.

This sums it up completely for me. Sex shows on most TV at the moment are completely makey uppy. Whether all viewers notice this is debatable, but the saddest part of this trend is that behind every one of these makey uppy TV shows are experts offering something cutting edge, catchy and entertaining. But we’re never included because we might want to tell you something useful about sex.

And on that note, over to The Divine Comedy who can play us out with a song…

Friday 30 May 2008
London School of Economics and Political Science

“The UK’s pioneering psychosexual counselling organisation celebrates its 50th anniversary”

The Albany Trust was founded in 1958. Led by Antony Grey, and supported by many leading intellectuals, religious figures, writers and other public figures of the time, Albany supported the work of the Homosexual Law Reform Society in changing the law, and implementing Wolfenden.

The Albany’s remit, however, was for a wider public health campaign to change the social climate generally to enable healthier psychosexual development, through public education, research and its most durable core work, personal counselling and psychotherapy.

This one day conference brings together experts, practitioners, researchers and historians to revisit Albany’s pioneering work and aims, and to ask whether, in the 21st Century, they are still relevant, urgent and, if so, how they are practically achievable.

The day includes Professor Jeffrey Weeks and Antony Grey in conversation with Ben Summerskill on public opinion and politics, then and now; Professor Mike King and Dr Chess Denman on psychiatric “treatment” of homosexuality; Joanna Ryan and John Fletcher on Wolfenden and psychoanalysis. And a panel discussion with leading practitioners and the Department of Health on today’s clinical challenges: Stephen Gee, Dr. Heather George, Bob McDonald, Professor Susie Orbach, Joan Wilkinson and Judy Yellin. The conference also includes an evening reception, which all delegates are invited to.

To download a copy of the conference programme and to book online, please click here.

Yes, but only if the agony aunt is a duck!

Hana’s Helpline is a new animated television series from Calon TV aimed at children aged under seven, where Agony Aunt Hana the duck is on hand to offer straightforward advice to any little animals who have a problem. All you have to do is dial ‘moo, baa, double quack, double quack’ and you’ll reach her. Each show tackles a different problem that children who are just starting school will identify with. These might include worries about being too short or too tall, concerns over being left out in games, dealing with shyness, or fear of going to the dentist.

The puppets for the programme are beautiful and every episode tackles problems in a sensitive, humorous and entertaining way. All stories enable young viewers to reflect on how they might act in a similar situation, or be reassured if they share the same worries as some of the animals featured in the programme. Teachers can use the programme within a school based setting to encourage discussion of problems, find solutions to difficulties, and encourage little ones to confide in them if they have any worries.

There are a number of books that accompany the series, as well as a DVD featuring some of the episodes from series one. Entertaining in their own right, these resources can also be used by parents, teachers, therapists and youth workers who wish to encourage emotional sensitivity in young people or the opportunity to disclose any worries.

If you’re based in the UK you can watch Hana’s Helpline on Channel Five as part of their Milkshake segment for younger viewers. It’s on at 6.10am (GMT) on weekdays and a more civilised 8.40am (GMT) on weekends. Although I have to warn you, once you’ve heard the theme tune you’ll be singing it all day!

And if you’re a little animal with a big problem, perhaps you should give Hana a call.

A simple chat BEFORE you get naked can make all the difference. Start the conversation now by designing a pair of boxers, panties or a t-shirt with a design or message that says that YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY SAFE.

Don’t wait until it is too late to talk to your partner about safe sex and remember you can always let your undies be your guide.”

Here in the UK we’ve already been using underwear and jewellery as a means of highlighting a safer sex message, although this campaign from Condom Essential Wear uses our scanties to show how you can’t tell by looking whether someone has an STI.

More information about the contest can be found at…

Internet Sexuality Information Services (ISIS) Exposes Ideas for Preventing HIV and other STDs with an Underwear Design Contest

Brickfish User-Generated Content Campaign Lets Consumers Spread the Word, not Disease

Internet Sexuality Information Services, Inc. (ISIS), a not-for-profit organization dedicated to promoting sexual health,
and Brickfish™, a social media advertising platform, are inviting people to design intimate apparel to help get the word out about preventing HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, and developing lifelong healthy relationships. The “In Brief” campaign, located at (www.undiescontest.com) invites entrants to develop their own art and slogans for boxer shorts, women’s underwear, or t-shirts containing a message about sexual communication, including preventing HIV and other STDs. The Grand Prize winner will receive a $1,000 scholarship or cash equivalent, and twelve pairs of underwear.

With recent statistics published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that 1 in 4 female adolescents in the U.S. have a sexually transmitted disease, this timely contest tackles this public health issue head-on. “Talking about HIV and STDs is uncomfortable, especially in the heat of the moment, so we are excited at this opportunity to create a forum for bringing prevention to the forefront,” said Deb Levine, Executive Director of ISIS. “The ‘In Brief’ campaign is designed to help sexually active people (and those thinking about having sex) communicate about the risks before they take their clothes off. We are confident the awareness raised by this campaign will encourage people to talk about their sexual health before they are in a risky situation.”

In addition to the Grand Prize winner, an ISIS expert panel of judges will award a $250 scholarship (or cash equivalent) for their favorite entry chosen from the top 100 generating the most buzz across the Internet. And, all people who enter or vote in the contest will be eligible to win another $250 scholarship or cash equivalent awarded at the end of the contest.

The Brickfish marketing platform provides a forum to raise awareness of social issues through User-Generated Content (UGC). Brands, agencies and non-profit organizations use Brickfish’s patent-pending platform to launch online advertising and marketing campaigns that spark the creation of brand-focused UGC, such as blogs, images, video and audio. Brickfish’s
content sharing tools enable anyone to view and review submissions, vote on their favorites, and share them with friends and peers through email, Instant Message and by posting on social networking sites, creating a powerful viral conversation that spans the Internet.

“The most important step to initiate positive change with societal issues is to get people talking and sharing,” said Shahi Hanem, CEO of Brickfish. “The ‘In Brief’ campaign will help enlighten people about the risks and introduce steps they can take to protect their sexual health. Thanks to today’s elevated use of social media sites to promote thoughts and views, we are confident this campaign will be a vital way to increase awareness about HIV and other STDs and help people develop healthy relationships.”

The “In Brief” campaign ends May 15th.

About ISIS

Internet Sexuality Information Services, Inc. (ISIS) is a 501(c)3 organization dedicated to developing and using Internet technologies for sexual health promotion and to prevent disease transmission. ISIS provides leadership, innovation, educational resources and research in online sexual health promotion.

About Brickfish

Brickfish, the social media advertising platform, has created a revolutionary new approach to consumer driven marketing that leverages the power of User-Generated Content and social media to connect brands with consumers. Brands and agencies use our patent-pending platform to launch online advertising and marketing campaigns that spark the creation of brand-focused UGC, such as blogs, images, video and audio. This content is shared from consumer to consumer via email, IM, and hundreds of social media sites such as MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, and more. Campaign participants are rewarded for creating, voting, reviewing and sharing content, resulting in high-quality brand engagement. The Brickfish platform then tracks consumer interactions with this content and provides detailed analytics on campaign reach, performance and demographics. This results in a powerful viral marketing approach that has proven to be 5 to 10 times more effective than traditional online marketing methods such as display ads or search optimization. Brickfish uses a Cost Per Engagement™ (CPE™) model, in which
advertisers only pay for actions taken with the brand.

While I appreciate some people may have problems that new technologies exacerbate, my concern with this editorial was the idea of conceptualising and measuring problematic or excessive usage of the internet, games or text - and that practitioners may be keen to slap on a diagnosis rather than accounting for distress caused - or looking at wider social factors.

Predictably the media responded to the editorial as though we were already gripped by an epidemic of internet, text and gaming addiction. But it was Cory Silverberg who spotted the real story here. Which is this. The author of the editorial in the Journal of American Psychiatry may have an opinion they want to share, but they also co-founder and president of SMARTguard - a technology that limits computer access.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having a commercial interest outside of your professional practice, and this potential conflict of interest was declared in the journal. However, this was not made particularly clear by the journal - and it was pretty apparent that journalists covering the story clearly hadn’t read the editorial (that was freely available online).

It’s not just a case of the media missing the news, it’s the problem that we were all led to believe that we’re becoming internet addicts, which may be easier to believe if there was no likelihood people might benefit commercially from making our worries over internet usage into a medical condition.

“Dear Dr. Boynton,
Would you be interested in writing about this or perhaps giving me your thoughts on it.

So did I want to promote a cosmetic surgery procedure that has no independent, peer reviewed, scientific evidence to indicate it is effective? Did I want to plug a procedure that may, in fact, inhibit sexual arousal? Did I want to publicise an expensive and invasive cosmetic procedure that would need repeating several times per year? Did I want to recommend a ‘treatment’ that is so painless and non-invasive you need to have it under local anaesthetic? Did I want to promote a practitioner who is presented as highly qualified, but apparently relies on BBC online for the scientific evidence to back up their surgery?

No.

I toyed with blogging about the daft message, the largely untested procedure, and the foolishness of a PR company who clearly had worked out I wrote about the g spot, but obviously hadn’t bothered to read what I’d said. And then I thought, nah, why bother giving publicity to something that most reputable clinicians aren’t recommending. I giggled to myself about how stupid this whole thing was. It never occured to me that I ought to approach journalists myself to warn against the procedure - or encourage critical coverage. After all, I reasoned, nobody in their right mind would give this any coverage.

Well I learned the hard way for being so smug. Because the PR company also had approached a lot of newspapers, and they weren’t so critical as I was. They happily gave plenty of glowing and uncritical coverage to the ‘new treatment’. For example:

Coming Soon – Sex Boost Jab – The Sun
Collagen Hits the G Spot – The Telegraph
£800 injection increases the size of women’s g spot – The Mirror

Some of these stories came out on April 1, so you could almost forgive the papers for running them as an April Fool’s story. Perhaps journalists covering this story thought it was a hoax since they clearly didn’t investigate it fully. Only this is no joke.

Here’s what the journalists (some of them health correspondents) should have asked – and what you should ask if you’re considering this procedure.

- The coverage claims that over 87% of women who’d had the G shot experienced enhanced sexual arousal – how was this measured, and who completed this research?
- Has any independent research been completed (and published in a peer reviewed scientific journal) on the effectiveness and safety of the G shot? (as opposed to other gynaecological surgery and collagen)
- Is there anyone, apart from the manufacturer, to support the idea the procedure is effective?
- Is there any data about the long term effects of the procedure?
- Have any adverse reactions to the procedure been observed – if so, what were they?
- What are the long term health implications of having collagen injected into the vagina three times per year?
- What is collagen, and what are the effects of collagen on the body - particularly when injected into the vagina?
- What is the view of established medical practitioners about the procedure (for example the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists?)
- If the treatment is in so much demand, why haven’t women been asking for it on the NHS - and why are we only hearing about it now?
- Why has this procedure been press released now? Might it be anything to do with recent coverage of research about the g spot?
- Why is the clinician promoting the product using a professorial title within their clinical practice? Isn’t it the case that professorial titles belong within academic settings – particularly for medical practitioners?
- The skills of the practitioner are listed, but do independent checks on his career reveal anything further about his competencies?
- Is a procedure that requires anaesthesia something that is simple and non invasive?
- If post-procedure you have a spot that’s now the size of a 10 pence piece and 1/4 inch high does this impact upon things like tampon use or gynaecological examinations?
- Are there any health implications of injecting collagen into the same spot regularly over time?
- The surgical procedure has only been conducted on five women in the UK thus far – is this enough to endorse a clinical intervention with no independent evidence of effectiveness and safety?
- Are all therapists/practitioners/academics in agreement this is a groundbreaking, safe, effective and desirable procedure? If not, what are their concerns – and what implications do these have for the general public?
- Is there any evidence the procedure is anything other than a placebo?
- The treatment is not recommended for women with any underlying sexual problems - how are these women screened and refused treatment - and what advice are they offered to address any problems they may have? Particularly given that most women seeking such a procedure probably will be anxious about their sexual functioning otherwise they wouldn’t be seeking help.
- What are the cost breakdowns for the £800 per injection procedure?
- How many treatments would be recommended during a woman’s lifetime - and what would the total costs of that treatment be?
- How does this procedure fit within wider evidence about medicalising female sexual functioning and creating both an anxiety about female sexual response - and an expensive ‘treatment’ for it?

I have contacted a journalist to highlight these issues, and they may cover the story. Let’s hope so. But in the meantime don’t be a fool like me. Don’t scoff at a press release and assume nobody will take it seriously. The moral of this story is many journalists don’t check what they’re sent and whether or not they take a story seriously, will happily promote anything so long as it sounds sexy and scientific.

The worst thing about this story is it’ll grow and grow. From the breathless press coverage so far you can expect the women’s glossies to pick up on this procedure - after all it costs a packet and is supposed to boost your sex drive - something that will no doubt fit with all current aspirational sex features.

It wasn’t an April Fool. But the joke’s definitely on us.