I’ve been working as an ‘Agony Aunt’ (advice giver) in print, online and in broadcast media for the past eight years. I’ve written advice columns for magazines like Grazia, Beauty Zambia and Men’s Health; for websites like mykindaplace and mansized; and presented on radio programmes on national and regional stations in the UK and worldwide. I’ve also advised broadcasting organisations internationally on how to provide quality health advice to their audience. I currently answer reader problems in a weekly column for More! Magazine and answer questions at NHS Choices Talk. Before and during my time as an Agony Aunt I’ve researched the concept of media advice giving and the role of advisors. [Details of how I became an Agony Aunt plus list of related publications can be found at the end of this post].

Because of this work I’m frequently contacted by people who want to know how to become an Agony Aunt. In fact over recent months the number of requests for information about how to do this job has increased – it seems people wanting some extra income during the recession see it as a means to make a bit of extra cash.

So for all of you wanting to know about how to become an Agony Aunt/media advisor here’s the answers to the questions I’ve been asked. If anything isn’t clear do please let me know.

How can I get a job as an Agony Aunt?
This is the number one question I’m asked. There are three general routes in:
Journalist route – either through being on staff at a magazine where you’re required to answer problems, or through making a career as a columnist who answers people’s problems (such as Irma Kurtz or Deirdre Sanders). You may also be an established writer who crosses over into advice giving.
Celebrity route – in recent years celebrities such as Vanessa Feltz, Abbie Titmus, Jodie Marsh, Jordan (aka Katie Price) and Jeremy Kyle have fronted advice columns, some already have a link with advice giving in other media (radio or television) and extend this to print media (and vice versa). Others are offered a column on the basis of being well known.
Practitioner route – psychologists, medics, and therapists who already have a practice in teaching, research or healthcare are picked to write columns based on the skills they have in their working lives. They may already have had some experience working in other areas of media.

What qualifications do you need?
It varies. Journalists have a background within media practice; some have undertaken specific training as a journalist. However there is no accredited course for being an advice giver and quite often the role of answering questions is given to reasonably junior staff. Some journalists have a team of people to help them answer the questions they get (on bigger publications) which can be as involved as actually finding answers to problems or stuffing envelopes to send out pre written standard answers/fact sheets. Celebrity advisors tend to have no formal qualifications for advice giving although there are some who are celebrity counsellors/therapists who have a formal qualification. It is worth noting not all celebrity Agony Aunts write their own columns, in many cases they are paid a retainer to front the column which staffers at the magazine write for them (although many magazines deny this practice is commonplace). Practitioners are often qualified in terms of certification in therapy, counselling, clinical practice (as a medic, psychologist or psychiatrist). However not all media advisors who are professionally qualified provide contemporary advice and some may struggle to give advice outside their area (for example a counsellor asked to give medical advice or vice versa). Usually practitioners who are not media trained are advised to undertake this before applying for a post as an Agony Aunt – it helps with the job but is not essential.

Can men write advice columns?
Yes, they can and do. As with women as advice givers the quality of advice given can vary. And it is more common for women to fulfil the role of Agony Aunts. However there are some excellent male advisors – such as Dan Savage and Cory Silverberg.

How much money can you make?
It can range from absolutely nothing to a three figure sum (in the case of some celebrity advisors). If you’re a journalist already employed to work for a magazine then you won’t be paid any extra for answering questions on the advice column. The exception is if you are a well known columnist working for a publication with a high circulation rate and an established and popular problem page (or similar for television or radio programme with popular advice slot), or if you are a celebrity. Freelancers are usually paid the standard rate for content. External contributors (professionals from health/psychology etc) can be paid per letter – sums can vary from £10 to £100. Usually you only answer a few letters per week, month or fortnight. So if you are lucky you might make between £500 to £1000 per month. Which sounds like a lot but in most cases you make a lot less than this. In fact the general trend among many publications is not to pay at all. Instead people are offered a column as a means of promoting their additional books/products/services. In a nutshell this is not a job to take on if you expect to make a lot of money. A minority of people make a living as an Agony Aunt or Uncle. Most people who do the job don’t make a lot of money. It’s also not a job that’s particularly secure (more on this in a bit).

Will it make you famous?
It varies. A few people have become very well known for being advice columnists, but the majority of advice givers don’t have a particularly high profile. It depends on where you are offering advice (a prime time television show or high circ newspaper would have more impact than a small, independent radio show). It also depends on whether you’re already famous, if you have an agent who can push you into the limelight, or are willing to do this yourself. Even then it’s no guarantee you’ll get famous. And if you’re only in the job for fame you may find this runs counter to your ability to give advice ethically – and may also lead your work to be subject to greater scrutiny by other professionals. So if you want to be famous, make sure you’re also highly skilled. (Unfortunately in the real world of media these two things often don’t go together, but since we’re talking good practice it’s worth aiming high).

What does the job involve?
Depending on where you are giving advice it will involve answering one or more questions in print, online or through broadcast media. In print you’ll usually have a selection of letters sent to you, on websites a similar format applies (unless you’re doing a live chat). Broadcast media can involve live advice giving sessions where callers ask for advice, or pre recorded programmes based on particular themes. A general overview of the role is summed up in this earlier post.

What skills do I need to do the job?
To be a competent advisor you’ll need to be an excellent communicator – either via text or verbally (or both). You’ll need to be aware of a wide range of social and health issues (from eating disorders to self harm, domestic violence to psychosexual problems, and the positive and negative challenges we may address throughout our lifespan). You’ll also need to be able to signpost people to a range of reputable agencies and organisations to help with their problems. Indeed you don’t spend much time telling people what they should do, but you are expected to tell people what their problems may be due to, and offer potential solutions, sources of help and how to access them. You’ll need to be up to date with current social and healthcare trends, which includes any political changes or shifts within the evidence base. You’ll need to undertake regular training (although most media outlets don’t check whether you are doing this) and that training needs to be contemporary and accurate. In most cases you will be provided with no training, supervision or support so you should seek to implement this informally or formally yourself. You will also need time – to familiarise yourself with evidence, to go on training courses, to be updated on current practice and to answer questions. Some questions can be done in a matter of minutes; others could take hours or even days to get right. You’ll need to be able to work to deadlines, be comfortable working in print or broadcast media and if appropriate take on additional campaigning/mentorship/patron roles.

This job won’t suit you if…
You are very judgemental. You will hear a range of problems from people and it is not your job to tell them what you think about them personally (although a minority of publications do use ‘outspoken’ advisors as their particular selling point). It is your job to ensure they deal with whatever their problems are appropriately. In most cases you won’t know whether they’ve acted on your advice, but you have to be able to live with the knowledge they may not listen to you at all. You are probably not the only person they are approaching for advice so all you can do is give accurate information and hope they act on it. You shouldn’t go into the job if you want to cure, fix or save people. Your role is to be a signpost to support services. Certainly you should not be mocking or belittling people who need help, or using advice columns to preach about right and wrong behaviour, or simply telling people what to do without telling them how to do it.

It’s not a job to undertake if you don’t like uncertainty – aside from not knowing what the outcomes of your advice are, or what you’ll be asked, it’s not a job that tends to last. And you can be dropped by the media very quickly and often quite nastily. I’ve experienced losing advice columns by magazines muttering something about restructuring and then you hear nothing more from them, or sometimes they simply drop your name from the masthead and your column from the magazine but don’t even bother to tell you. It’s not unusual for another advisor to be brought in when a new editor/producer takes over, or if the publication wants a particular agenda promoted, or if a celebrity is considered a better bet to generate sales. In short you can, and may often be, replaced. It doesn’t matter how good you are or how long you have worked somewhere. You will rarely be thanked by the media outlet you work for and will probably never hear thank yous from those you’re offering advice to. If you want a job that makes you feel indispensable it’s not going to give you this buzz. Finally you shouldn’t take the job on if you’re not willing to train and retrain, listen to feedback, and put yourself out of the picture. A good advisor does not use their column to talk about their own experience and nor should they talk about ideas that aren’t evidence based. Sadly we know this happens a lot, but again we’re discussing what advisors should be aiming for here so again it’s worth aiming high.

Do I get to pick what I answer?
It depends. For some magazines, websites and broadcast formats you get to pick what you answer. In some cases you answer all you are sent. In most cases you don’t have any say on what you are sent and may only see/hear a fraction of the questions people want help with. Media outlets tend to pick problems that fit within their particular agenda – which may be an overall focus on particular issues or tagged to a particular theme of the day/week etc. It is not unusual for letters to be edited so what you answer may not be exactly what appears in print or on air. Sometimes answers are restricted because the questions asked are not clear. If you can’t quite work out what the person is getting at unfortunately those letters tend to be dropped. In most cases media outlets get far more requests for help than they are able to deliver. That knowledge can be distressing for some advisors.

Can I offer specialist advice?
You can. Some advisors stick specifically to psychosexual advice, or healthcare. Others focus on particular age, sexuality or ethnic groups. It can help to be more specialist to ensure you work within your area of expertise and also checks you don’t step outside any professional boundaries. For example I don’t answer medical questions because I’m not a medic. Many questions don’t require any specific expertise but do need a good general awareness of considering problems and possible sources of action/help. Some media outlets have teams of advisors working for them or a variety of advisors with columns so you can pass on letters that fall outside your area of expertise to an appropriately qualified colleague.

Can I set up my own column?
Anyone can be an expert. You can set up your own blog or website offering advice. Some people do this for free, others as part of their therapy service, some charge for the advice they give. Obviously if you are offering advice as part of wider work (as a healthcare provider, therapist etc) then you must ensure any activities within advice giving adhere to current evidence based practice and fall under your codes of conduct and supervision. If you have no particular qualifications you still can offer advice, although it may be specific to your area of knowledge/experience. For example if you’ve been a foster parent to many children you might give tips on childcare. If you’re into bondage you might tell folk how to do this safely. If you’re a sex worker you might want to offer tips on sex and relationships based on your observations on clients. Advice giving doesn’t have to fit the standard ‘problem page’ format, but can focus around questions you answer. Again this approach could get you a reputation and help you get a regular column somewhere, but it’s not guaranteed. Whether or not you intend to charge for your services do remember that you can also be held liable if you give poor advice or information someone claims was harmful. So you need to consider insurance and supervision. Using advice giving to sell products or make money may work but we are becoming more aware of poor practice so those only intending to do this work for profit or scam should be aware they could be chased up.

What does being an advice columnist qualify me to do?
Pretty much what it says on the tin. The job involves offering advice. So you can extend that role into other media formats, and give talks about the work you do. If it’s an extension of your professional work you may also draw upon your advice giving experiences in teaching and training sessions you run. Writing an advice column does not make you medically qualified or give you any qualifications in counselling or therapy. You cannot claim such skills simply from writing a column nor charge for professional services on that basis. If you have been writing an advice column but want to be a therapist or healthcare practitioner you need to retrain in those professions.

How did you get to be an Agony Aunt?
I was fascinated by advice columns when I was a teen and used to read Jackie magazine’s ‘Cathy and Claire’ problem page (mostly under the desk during physics lessons). I used to imagine what advice I’d give if I were writing the column. I mentioned wanting to be an Agony Aunt when at university and was firmly told by my personal tutor such work was very competitive and I should forget about it. And that it was journalism (therefore not academic and ought to be avoided). During my PhD research part of my thesis focused on media advice giving on sex and relationships and I undertook several studies post doctorally assessing media sex coverage and relationships advice in the self help market. From 2000 I began writing to editors when I spotted poor sex and relationships advice in their magazines (I obviously had a lot more spare time then!). And in 2002 two editors (one from Men’s Health and one from the teen site mykindaplace both approached me in the same month and offered me an advice column). From this start I was offered different columns in different online and print publications, leading to offers to host advice shows through broadcast media.

I found the experience fascinating and from researching the media from the outside began more participatory research on the role of being an Agony Aunt and action research involving readers on issues such as self harm (for teen girls) and men’s sexual problems (with adult male readers). I have never applied for an advice giving role but have been head hunted for them. Not all have ended up in work. Quite often what I’m asked to do is judgemental or unethical or will be heavily edited to fit a ‘lite’ format – in which case I refuse. I’ve felt every job I’ve had, whether it’s only lasted a few weeks to several years has been a privilege. Not for the cachet of being in media, but for the trust expected of me by those who chose to share their worries and problems. I am currently working to have the job accepted as a recognised part of social and health care, a suitable area for in depth academic investigation, and an occupation with definite standards of good practice.

Where are Agony Aunt jobs advertised?
Usually via invitation or through journalism networks. Sometimes offers are sent out to agencies to find suitable candidates. Some people have got the role through having an agent who has approached publishers/broadcasters, while others have found a role after writing to editors/producers. Given the media is currently struggling financially there are very few openings for paid roles for advice givers and those that do become available tend to go to established experts, celebrities or existing staff.

That’s not to say you can’t consider the job, and you may find you do it informally helping out friends and colleagues. Remember the tradition of advice giving in media is really only an extension of the way real life communities operate – with particularly informed folk offering their ideas and support to others.

The Sexademic recently wrote an excellent related post on how to be a sex educator – which may also be useful if you’re considering an advisory career.

Related publications from my ‘Adventures of an Evidence Based Agony Aunt’ Project
‘A different picture of Africa’ A review of advice giving in the magazine Beauty Zambia
Example answers from Beauty Zambia (apologies the text is hard to read, but should give an idea about questions and replies) here and here.

‘I cut because it helps’ narratives of self injury in teenage girls co-written with Annie Auerbach this chapter uses discussions from young women talking about deliberate self harm generated within media advice giving formats. This became an online community initiative to share experiences and recommend good practice for teachers and health providers.

‘Advice for sex advisors: a guide for ‘agony aunts’, relationship therapists and sex educators who want to work with the media’ is a opinion piece published in the journal Sex Education.

Beware the sexperts is an opinion piece I wrote for the Guardian based on the problem of using celebrity advisors to front columns.

The value of agony aunts I wrote this when elements of the right wing media and legal changes suggested Agony Aunts could be censured for offering information to young people.

Whatever happened to Cathy and Claire? Sex advice and the role of the agony aunt this book chapter reflects on my time as an advisor working through problem pages aimed at young women and men and how the questions they ask have changed over time. It also highlights how we can use advice giving in the media to inform sex and relationships education.

‘Enough with tips and advice and thangs’ The experience of a critically reflexive, evidence-based Agony Aunt in Feminist Media Studies. Again this paper draws upon my experiences and critically reflects on the sexualisation of the female advice giver and the poor quality of advice offered on sex topics.

Last week the Independent ran a feature with the exciting headline “I was a hooker who became an agony aunt”. Sounded fascinating. Another tart with a heart story, perhaps?

No, reading the piece indicated the headline was wrong.

The feature described blogger and sex writer Zoe Margolis, better known as the Girl with a One Track Mind. It focused in part on Margolis work as an ambassador for sexual health charity Brook, raising issues about sex and relationships with young people.

Zoe Margolis is not, and has never been, a sex worker.

Pretty soon after the paper was published (in print and online) a discussion began on twitter and spread to blogs and forums highlighting the inaccuracy and discussing the appropriateness of the headline.

The Independent quickly altered the headline online to ‘I was a good time girl who became an agony aunt’ but obviously the print edition remained the same. It took pressure on the paper for them to actually issue a correction.

Although it is just a headline, the Independent gives us an insight into the media and how sex – particularly female sexuality – is understood and represented. Although the media likes to present itself as impartial, fair, broadminded and even adventurous about sex, it is very often judgemental, inaccurate and negative. Writers don’t often value sex as a topic, seeing it as ‘lite’ and not requiring any real fact checking. Sex features are often seen as the female preserve with women constructed as better placed to write emotional pieces, while hiding a more misogynistic view that writing about sex isn’t ‘proper journalism’.

All too often features about sex and relationships represent sex through products or positions or a moral or medical gaze is pretty much standard practice. Sadly sexism is thriving, meaning it is not unusual for journalists (like the public) to believe women who speak openly about sex are sluts, who deserve little sympathy if criticised.

This is problematic on a number of levels. It influences who is selected to talk about sex and what they are allowed to say. It frames the terminologies we can use to name our bodies (vaginas are always more palatable to editors than clitorises). It means many writers view those who talk about sex as hookers, but since the term is used pejoratively it also means they look down on sex workers too. This in turn impacts upon how prostitution is treated in the press.

While we may be used to poor media coverage of sex and general female blaming, there is a more sinister side to this particular story which has a direct impact on agony aunts. The Independent may have forgotten that only recently we were facing major threats to even being allowed to offer sex advice via the media to young people in the UK (2003) and Scotland (2005). Indeed there is pressure for those agony aunts who work with young people to deliver accurate and ethical information, with media scrutiny and often campaigns from the right wing press against such advice giving.

Suggestions that those offering advice to young people may not be qualified, or may have a past that’s presented as sexually dubious is not going to help agony aunts or support to young people via the media – a service that is essential to many children and teens.

Even the changing of the Independent’s headline of ‘hooker’ to ‘good time girl’ still carries with it negative labelling that many anti sex education groups could use as a weapon against advice givers.

The Independent headline debate raises the question why shouldn’t someone who has been open about their sexual life or been a sex worker give advice? And the answer is of course there’s no reason why they couldn’t. However, there would need to be some caveats based on their current work, not their sexual past. Sadly there are many advice givers who base their whole career on having been to the ‘University of Life’ and simply describe their opinions and experiences. Even those with professional qualifications in medicine, journalism or psychology often offer advice that is misleading and outdated. So anyone who wants to offer advice needs to demonstrate they could also indicate current good practice; be aware of, appraise and apply evidence; undergo supervision and regular professional development; and indicate critical thinking to sex and relationships issues.

Thankfully in this case twitter and other social media allowed this story to be shared and challenged very quickly. That is not to say damage hasn’t been done – and I would argue it’s more damaging than just the personal distress caused to Ms Margolis. Potentially it has done a lot to harm advice giving in the media too. And it has done little to help sex workers as the subtext to this case is nobody wants to be associated with hookers.

However it has been talked about openly and the Independent have not come out well from this debacle. Most important has been Ms Margolis’ willingness to challenge this in public and discuss her feelings about the defamation. Many people often don’t feel able to do this and certainly in the early part of the last decade when agony aunts were under threat from the media many opted to avoid the media for fear of further personal reprisals.

In a statement she sent me after reading this blog, Ms Margolis explains her position thus: “I’m absolutely distraught by this damage to my reputation both professionally and personally. Unfortunately this situation just shows how much work still needs to be done to challenge the sexism of the media in their conflation of female sexual desire with the sex industry.”

So what can we do about this problem? We can support those who are offering sex advice via the media, and ensure those who do act as columnists, advisors or ambassadors are well trained and assessed. Optimistically I’d love to offer more training to journalists for them to reflect on how they write about sex, understand human sexuality and also source their materials to stack up sex stories. I’m not holding my breath but it’s an avenue I think we ought to explore.

We need to continue speaking out about poor media coverage, whether it’s a judgemental headline or a more sustained critique on a particular sex topic (sex education for example). We need to highlight where the media tries to keep women silent by using their sexuality against them. And we need to expose hypocrisy in the press. After all the same papers who have been complaining about how dreadful sexualisation is are the same papers who also label sexual women negatively and do their best to scupper statutory school based sex education.

Let’s remember that using pejorative terms to describe sex is not good journalism. It’s a means of silencing people. And that’s just another word for censorship.

Update: since posting I’ve had some feedback from people questioning whether the decision not to be called a hooker actually further denigrates sex workers, implying there is something so wrong with being a hooker that you wouldn’t want that label. That is a problem since promoting one set of women’s sexual rights should not be at the expense of another group (not that I’m assuming all sex workers are female).

On a point of accuracy if someone isn’t a sex worker then it should be reasonable for them to make this clear. Indeed one issue that is often upsetting to sex workers is feeling they are spoken for by those who are not really involved in sex work, so you could argue in this case not challenging the term could be problematic for that reason. If, however, it seems the clarification also implies there is something wrong with sex work that is more troubling – and if you look at the Independent’s correction it does seem to imply this. So has some of the discussion of the case online. The issue here is not that being a hooker is bad, but that any women who writes about her sexual life can be subjected to misogynistic name calling and we must be careful to differentiate while we criticise this case and others like it.

Unfortunately this is the case of poor media writing about sex, it ends up marginalising and stigmatising a whole range of people, misrepresents sex work, and devalues female sexuality.

This case is also discussed by Paul Carr over at Tech Crunch (in comments you can also get another depressing insight into how some people view sexual women and whores) and also at Gawker.

*Quote is a play on script from the film Pretty Woman, based on the exchange between the lead characters Edward and Vivian.

What made me start blogging?
Five years ago I sat down on a dark November evening and wrote my very first blog entry. It was a bit ranty. I’d been misquoted by a journalist and was anxious it would get me into hot water (again).

I didn’t have a game plan when I started blogging. My partner (who’s way more tech savvy than I am) thought it might be a good way of sharing ideas I was struggling to convey via the mainstream media (I was writing several advice columns in magazines at the time, as well as hosting a regular radio phone in for BBC Five Live).

I approached the blog as a form of therapy. I wanted to work with the media but was getting a lot of stick for it professionally (I’m an academic as well as a sex educator). Having a place to blog would allow me to correct any errors in reporting and disclose bad journalism. I even hoped it it might even let me bring evidence into sex/relationships reporting – and show it was possible to do so without things becoming worthy or dull.

One thing I felt sure of early on was this blog was something I enjoyed writing, but I wanted to be useful, and most importantly to deliver things about sex, relationships, science and journalism that readers wanted to know about. Which is why the blog has always been shaped by things you’ve asked for.

Readers make this blog (or “why don’t you have comments?”)
Last summer I asked regular readers to give me feedback on this blog and got some very helpful responses. It’s taken me a while to implement some of these, but I have now upgraded the blog to include the things you asked for – photos and images to liven things up, a better blogroll, summaries at the start of most entries so you can decide if you wish to read on. And categories. Something I didn’ think about five years ago and really wish I had. I’m now in the process of going back through all the 800+ posts and adding categories to them, which I hope will make this blog a lot more useful to you.

The one thing this blog doesn’t have is comments. I did start off having them, but encountered several problems. As I was offering advice within columns and websites elsewhere I hadn’t planned to also answer problems on this blog. However, not all readers understood this so I frequently found requests for advice on anything from infidelity to penis size included in discussions about blogs relating to research design or journalism ethics. This sometimes led to some readers mocking those asking for advice, which of course is completely unacceptable for me as an educator.

Moreover, I’ve always blogged openly – never behind a pseudonym. I work within the community on sex/relationships projects and educational activities (in the UK and internationally). This meant I was very accessible, and felt vulnerable when those whose comments were deleted or not posted, made very personal threats.

I found moderating the comments was time consuming and took me away from other educational activities which I felt were more worthwhile. So I decided to remove the comments option. When I’ve asked readers if they want them back the general response is ‘no’. That’s mostly from people who feel the blog’s a safe space to get information which they can use as they wish elsewhere.

Of course I strongly welcome respectful email feedback and am always happy to add information or correct errors within the blog. You’re always welcome to start discussions on other forums or your own blog about issues raised here. For now I’ve no plans to reinstate comments, but since I’m occasionally asked why I don’t have them I thought this was a good a time as any to clarify the issue.

Achievements so far
Having read back to 2004 I’m pretty pleased with this little blog. It’s nice to see it’s grown into a resource that people trust and enjoy reading.

The things I’m most proud to have written are activist blogs that highlight medicalisation, exploitation and abuse. These include the debates around female sexual dysfunction, questioning high street stores stocking ‘herbal’ erectile dysfunction drugs (not approved by the FDA), exposing the Advanced Medical Institute’s aggressive sales technique for men affected by premature ejaculation, or highlighting misleading media coverage of the availability of Viagra on the high street.

I initially planned to use the blog to set right bad sex coverage in the media (or occasions where I’d been misquoted). This has been a theme within the blog although I think it’s become more focused over time (although not necessarily less ranty than my very first post). I can’t say whether it’s made much difference to journalists, and I hope it’s not put people off working with the media. I’ve found it helpful to describe poor practice – not least because the general trend for ‘experts’ working with the media is to act grateful for any exposure, not publicly discuss poor experiences or document bad practice. Gems for me include an expose of GMTV sending a cab to my home at 6am on the off chance I might wake up and come to their studio. Or how a TV show wanted to discuss female sexual confidence without mentioning genitals or masturbation. Or some rather nasty experiences with snotty TV producers just after I’d had a baby. Not to mention the hilarious case of the science journalist who really took a dislike to me (and colleagues). Oh, and let’s not forget the journalist who wanted me to recommend them an ‘unethical psychologist’ .

Of course, the past five years have not been spent simply slagging off journalists. No. Sometimes I’ve also turned my gaze to bad science too. Where it’s been depressing to report on a carnival of studies which seem to set us back sexually. Studies complaining women orgasm too easily, or there’s a ‘clitorocentric conspiracy’ against the vagina, how sex with a partner is 400% better than any other kind of sex you might have, and you can tell whether a woman has vaginal orgasms by her walk.

Let’s not forget my other bugbears. The fake formula and shonky surveys and my goodness this blog’s a treasure chest for those. And if I’m not being irritated by that, then there’s always the problem of psychologists talking about celebrities, or the general ethical issues raised by Big Brother for me to moan about.

Of course, it’s not all been bad news. Anyone would think this blog is only about gripes and grumbles. I’ve always wanted to showcase a variety of sexual experiences within this blog and not just think about sex just for a Western audience. I’ll continue to discuss issues relating to sex and seniors; teenagers; disability; transsexuality; lesbian, gay and bi issues; open relationships; BDSM; sexual health; contraception; prostitution; pornography; reproductive health; pleasure; desire; asexuality; dating; psychosexual problems; showcasing great sex pioneers; talking about safer sex; and as many other topics as I can find for you to read about.

Where to next?
Unlike five years ago, I’m now thinking strategically about this blog – who it’s for, what it does, and seeking to find ways to assess any impact it may have. I’ve noticed over the years it sometimes deviates into areas that interest me, but may not appeal to all readers. So my aim is to ensure the focus of the blog remains around the core things you’re most interested in when you visit – sex, science, and media.

I’m currently involved in overhauling the site so in the new year I hope to have far more open access materials available for you – relationships and sex guides, information about sexual and reproductive health, more advice and links to sources of help, along with practical information for journalists, healthcare professionals, parents, teens and teachers.

I’ve been asked by many readers for more information about how to become an agony aunt/media sex educator, so I’ll be blogging about this – as well as how to write a sex blog – in the not too distant future.

I’ll also be making use of twitter soon, as sometimes I blog about issues people need to hear about fast (particularly developments in science/health), so hopefully that will make messages more accessible. I’ll let you know once I’ve sorted it.

Obviously I’d like to hear what you’d like to see. How would you like this blog to develop over the next year (or five!). Are there any particular things you’d like to see more/less of? Topics you want covered? People you’d like me to interview for the ‘quickies’ section of the blog? Campaigns you want covered? Let me know what your vision is for this blog.

So, happy fifth birthday blog. Big birthday kisses to those of you who’ve been with me from the beginning. For those of you who’ve only recently found this blog I hope you like it enough to stick around for the next half decade. I notice one of my favourite other blogs Mind Hacks has also celebrated it’s fifth birthday too, so congratulations to them.

Time to blow out the candles and make a wish. Of course, I can’t tell you what it is. You’ll have to come back in five years to find out if it’s come true.